Another day is over
11 January 2006 8:54 pm
When I hit the snooze button three times, I know I'm not ready to face another work day. I'm also likely to be late for work. Well, in my case, late for school.
It happened to me this morning.
It's not that I hate my job. I used to hate it violently, only two years ago, in fact, in 2004. What a cataclysmic year that was. I fell into depression and took a leave of absence for three weeks because of work. It seemed as though quitting was the only way to save my sanity. Somehow I made it through the year, and the year after, which was last year, was a lot better. I was a stronger person. It could be because I was in a "last lap" state of mind; I had promised myself that I would not allow depression to rear its ugly head again, so I would leave the job, damn the consequences, if I couldn't take it anymore. When you stop thinking about your job as Eternal Drudgery, when you allow yourself the possibility of leaving, you find that you don't get worked up as much over the daily frustrations that come with the job. You tell yourself, if this goes on I'm calling it quits, and you feel better knowing that you don't have to put up with it forever. When you feel better, of course you stop wanting to quit, and you live to fight another day. That was how it was with me. At the same time, the students I taught were, to be honest, sweet kids. They didn't always give me a hard time, and no matter what they always made me feel like The Boss. A little respect goes a long, long way.
ANYway, I don't hate my job now, but I do find it trying sometimes. It's demanding, like being an entertainer; if you don't deliver, both you and the kids feel like crap. Planning the lessons is not the hard part (six years on the job I can do this with my eyes closed), it's keeping the kids engaged that can be a chore. The best lessons are the ones where there's a laugh a minute, or when the kids are buzzing with questions or activity. You have to be in a good mood to execute such lessons. You have to smile through the trying moments in the lesson, say when some kids decide to annoy you by refusing to do the work or by being outright defiant. You have to manage the mood in the classroom so that it doesn't turn dark and threatening.
Today I didn't think I was up to the task. But I made it, that is the important thing. I had to be stern with some classes, and then remind myself to lighten the atmosphere a little, so that they know I don't despise them.
I survived. I'm battle-weary, but alive.
The nighttime downpour has begun. Sweet dreams.
P.S. Happy 29th Birthday, Sister. :-)
Older entries
Ramadan - 08 October 2006
Where I Have Been - 03 October 2006
Baby Talk - 10 August 2006
6 Weeks of Separation - 16 July 2006
Unacceptable Rudeness - 21 June 2006